What a disappointment. Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe completely raped and pillaged this classic old English Tale.

So, where to start…

Some French dudes come across the channel and destroy Barnsdale, then York, Darlington and Peterborough – on their way to Nottingham?! They’ve only got 200 men, but that is plenty enough to sack York.

So Robin Hood gets in his first proper fight in Nottingham, being a superb bowman, Robin decides to go for the sword – low and behold he’s a natural! Obviously he was being modest at the start of the film where he was storming a castle and avoiding hand to hand combat.

The rest of the film is pretty much the same, they beat the French in Nottingham and then travel down to Dover as the French are landing, it appears that they got their inspiration from 1066 here. Basically the whole of the French army is coming, and if 200 was enough to sack York, then they are proper fucked now, there is a whole 500 of them here to sack London! But don’t worry, the enitre English army is there to meet them, and there is at least 100 of them!

His pretend wife shows up to fight alongside him (she’s not had any experience at fighting as far as I can tell). Robin Hood being an honorable man that will protect his woman at all costs naturally let’s her fight with him, low and behold the main bad guy gets a hold of her and Robin has to save her life (who’d have seen that coming).

Finally at the end of the film Robin shoots his 5th arrow(?) and kills the bad guy, before being outlawed by the king for stirring up unrest.

Hence begins the story of Robin Hood.

What a load of bollocks! Go see Iron Man 2 instead, its awesome, and more realistic.